There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
