I'm going to jail i love you
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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