I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
