guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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