she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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