Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
