considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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