a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
