You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
