forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
