also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
