i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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