There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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