he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
