glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
