i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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