You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
