dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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