i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
