I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
