Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
