I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
