I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
