she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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