Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
