this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
