she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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