Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
