FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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