I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
