I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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