its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
