thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
