Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
