she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Randomize
