Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
