So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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