Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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