So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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