i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
