Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
