My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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