i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize