i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
