why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
