uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
