I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
