so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
