talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
