I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
