I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
