bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My life is pants optional.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
