I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
