i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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