she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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