One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
