I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Randomize
