Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
