This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
