found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have feelings that need drinking.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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