Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
