I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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