she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize