I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
