Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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