no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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