Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
