the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
