True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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