Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
