come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
